Thoughts from the Kiddie Pool: I wish there was a Packers game tonight

Check out the mural I painted on my garage door! I kid, I kid... Mooney would poison me. Besides, neither of them really look like us (we are far more attractive!). And we don't live on the river (schucks!) But it's a funny picture any-ways, right? I spit my PBR out my nosey-holes when Ike showed it to me. For today's column, it fits the bill, dear readers.

The projected high temp today is in the 80s with sticky humidity and abundant sunshine, and so naturally I will make my way to the kiddie pool in the back-yard like a hippopotamus seeking a cool waterin'-hole. My summer-time kiddie pool setup is pretty simple: Ten feet across, 36 inches deep. Keep cold refreshments and a good book within arm's reach, and make sure the grill gets lit before dark. No running! No yelling! And for Pete'ssake, no diving! I would also note that kiddie pool technology has come a long, long way since the 1840s.

This, dear readers, is about as good as a summer afternoon can get. Or is it?

I've been watching this World Cup garbage for a week now, and while I enjoyed our 1-1 'win' over the British Polluters last weekend, I must say I am not very impressed so far. What in the hell is wrong with soccer players? They fall over and start crying anytime someone touches them! Waaaaaa! Getting kicked in the ankle mus'n't feel good, but quit acting like you just had your leg bones removed with a dull spoon, get up, and try scoring more than one goal in 90 minutes, you big goofy-lookin' hippy-babbies. For cryin' out loud... To an extent, it's like watching a Packers game in which every player is Martin Gramatica. There would be no first downs, 'cause everyone would fall down the moment someone else touched them. There would be lots of crying and stretchers on the field to collect the 'wounded'... Yawn. And probably a lot more penalties. You get my point. The NFL remains King.

I'm not giving up on soccer or the World Cup just yet, because there are some good parts, like the vuvuzelas. Hell, I saw a dude with a tuba in the crowd! Not saying I'd want the 'swarm of bees' sound coming to Lambeau, but I do like the idea of bringing musical instruments to a game. I think I'll bring my harmonica next time we get tickets. A train is a-comin' down the tracks! Chooo, chooooooo. Huzzah!

Any-hows, the point is this: Summer-time is wonderful, but it would be so much better if there was a Packers game tonight! I would definitely drag the television set out on the patio if there was. I'd wear nothing but my Ronnie Rodgers jersey in the pool. Well, out of respect for my guests, I guess I'd wear an old #4 jersey upside down as a rough diaper (see, there is still some use for those).

I know, I know, we're only a few months away from pre-season football, and only a few weeks if you take the Canadian Fishing Trip time off the calendar, but I just want to see an actual tackle, as opposed to these silly little 'slide tackles'. And I suppose I could always have Cousin Walter come over and set up the video-tape-machine and pop in some footage from the MPU archives, but it's not the same when you know the outcome. I may be older than the concept of the kiddie pool, but my memory is sharp as a tack, folks.

This is the story of the off-season. It could be worse. Hope you all are coping well and finding watering holes of your own to dwell in until the heated-months pass. Until next time, then,